Omochao's Revenge
by Mecha Scorpion
Summary: It's back! Omochao, the most hated guide character ever in a video game, decides to wage war on Sonic and his crew. Hilarity and Pappy Jenkins ensue. Please review!
1. Chapter 1

Omochao's Revenge 

Omochao sat in his cell, feasting on his meal of mush porridge, water and Ramen noodles. He reclined luxuriously on his thin cot, his feet propped up against a cinderblock. He wore the finest prison uniform as a beautiful breeze blasted him full in the face at gale force. In short, he was living the high life… in prison, of course.

You see, he had been landed in a prison in Chao Garden. His attempt to rally them against Sonic the Hedgehog, his new arch-enemy, had failed, and he was accused of disturbing the peace. So,

"Bah humbug!" snarled Omochao, rattling the bars in rage. "I must find a way out of here! I've got to show the world that all Sonic the Hedgehog has done is evil and cruel!" He launched a flying kick at the bars, which crumbled into pieces.

The Kit Kat bars, that is, that had been provided with his meal of mush porridge, water and Ramen noodles.

"Gimme a break, gimme a break, break me off a piece of that Kit-Kat bar!" sang a guard, trotting down the hallway. "Gimme a break, gimme a-" The guard was laid unconscious by Omochao, who had just thrown the mush porridge through the iron bars of his cell.

"Excellent!" cackled Omochao, eating his Ramen noodles. "Now, I can steal his keys, and I shall escape from this cell!" Omochao reached as far as he could out of the cell. But, with his stubby little arms, he couldn't reach.

"Curse you!" he shrieked at the wall, which unsurprisingly did not reply. "Hmmph! Well, maybe if I make a lasso out of these Ramen noodles!" This was without a doubt the most preposterous idea ever imagined, which obviously meant that Omochao would do it. Tying the noodles together, Omochao used them as a lasso to snag the guard's keys.

The guard's car keys, that is.

"No!" roared Omochao. He gave a second try, and finally snagged the keys to his jail cell. Freeing himself, Omochao armed himself with the guard's Desert Eagle.

"What are you doing?" asked a guard, walking down the hall. "Why do you have Billy's gun? And why aren't you in your cell?"

"I'm on parole," lied Omochao, sweating frantically.

"You're on parole, and you're in the jail, and you have a prison uniform," repeated the guard sarcastically.

"Actually, this isn't a real prison uniform. It's a… costume, that I'm using to star in a play," Omochao blurted out. The guard looked skeptical, to say the least.

"A play."

"Yes, it's an informational play," said Omochao, ad-libbing mindlessly. "An educational skit to teach prisoners not to break the law." Omochao broke out into a can-can type dance and with a high kick knocked the new guard unconscious. "Victory!" he screamed.

Just then, eighteen guards surrounded him with AK-47 machine guns.

"No," breathed Omochao, "please don't…"

"OK," said the eighteen guards. "We won't do anything." They walked away discussing the weather.

Omochao, now thoroughly confused, crept stealthily out of a window and shimmied along the ledge while the Mission Impossible theme played.

"Do you mind?" barked Omochao at the 100-piece symphony orchestra that followed him, playing the music.

"Yes, um, wait, I… no," they said, jumping off the ledge to their death.

Having all this to think about, not to mention when Chao Garden got a prison, Omochao dropped from a safe point on the ledge and landed… on top of a guard.

"I say," said the guard with his last words, "all those muses, all those sages and priests and poets, they never wrote of the most profound force in nature…" Omochao, befuddled beyond belief, snuck out of the prison area with a great deal of kung fu and slapstick comedy.

"Yes! I'm free!" shouted Omochao, performing a jig. "Now, I must find a place to spend the night and clear my head!"

So, Omochao waltzed off to the nearest hotel, which for some reason didn't notice that he was an armed convicted criminal. Of course, they refused to give him room service, but Omochao dismissed that as pure cheapness.

"If I want to summon an army of Chao, I must give them motivation to do my bidding," thought Omochao. His eyes moved toward the VCR. "Wait… that's it… home video… Chao hunting… movie production… Sonic the hedgehog… Chao hunting… show to the Chao… Sonic the hedgehog… movie production… home video…" Omochao's eyes lit up with fiendish glee. "Great Scott, I think I've got it!"

"Someone call for me?" asked Great Scott.

What could Omochao be up to… please review!


	2. Chapter 2

Omochao's Revenge 

Sonic raised his knife, a gleam in his eyes that could only mean something bad. He had prepared himself for this moment… he lowered the knife…

And began cutting his waffles.

Then, he threw the knife at a Chao while eating his waffles.

Yes, Sonic threw a knife at a Chao. And it was nothing unlike what any of his friends would have done.

You see, Sonic and his friends were not altogether fond of Chao. They had found the little buggers cute in the beginning, but their incessant noise-making was honestly quite annoying. That, coupled with the fact that there was nothing else to kill, made Chao-hunting a rather popular sport among Sonic and his friends. Sonic carried throwing knives, a katana, ninja stars, poison darts, and a pair of daggers. His partner, Shadow, was going for the medieval look; broadswords, bows and arrows, axes and spears.

Little did they know that Omochao was filming them.

Sonic and his friends were stealthy and left no witnesses, so the Chao didn't know that they were slowly being killed off. Of course, they did wonder why fifty of them disappeared every other Tuesday, but that was beside the point. Well, Omochao planned to expose Sonic and his chums for the Chao-hunters they were, and rally the Chao around this cause.

So, Omochao had gotten a tripod and a video camera, and began to film. He zoomed in on the deaths of many Chao, following Sonic and Shadow in particular. Of course, there had been that one incident with Tails and Knuckles… a rather ridiculous flashback sequence began.

"So," said Knuckles, carrying four Beretta submachine guns and a Walther PPK pistol, "have you seen any more Chao?"

_  
"Nope," said Tails in the attack form of his Tornado, stomping on several dozing Chao and remaining completely unaware. "But we should find some- LOOKIE! There's one!"_

"_That's not a Chao," said Knuckles doubtfully, looking at the oblivious Omochao. "That's the little flying dude who gives us snotty advice!"_

_  
"Nonsense!" said Tails cheerfully. "Open fire!"_

_Omochao finally caught on and yipped in fear. He ran as fast as he could while bullets singed his footsteps.   
_

"_Wait… why am I running? I can fly!" realized Omochao. Of course, during that brief pause, Tails shot him in the arm._

_  
"Augh!" screeched Omochao, rolling on the ground. "Oh god, the pain, the utter pain! It's unbearable! The agony is simply unimaginable!" Knuckles, completely disgusted, walked off. Tails followed._

"That was unpleasant," remembered Omochao, then promptly slapped himself in the head as Sonic and Shadow both looked at him.

"What is it?" asked Shadow, prodding Omochao nervously with the end of his spear.

"Um…" Omochao was at a loss for words. Then he thought of something. "Hi! I'm Mr. Jones, and I work for Fox Television! We're filming you as a reality TV show!"

"Wait… then why don't we know about it?" asked Shadow, looking interested.

"Um… it's like Candid Camera! You see, we feel that actors work best when they don't know they're being filmed," said Omochao.

"Great!" said Sonic. "So, how much are we getting paid?"

Omochao gulped. "Paid?"

"Yeah, as in being given money," hissed Shadow, nocking an arrow onto his bow and looking quite upset. "So how much money are we earning, Mr. _Jones_?"

"Um… well, you see, you were going to be paid next month," lied Omochao, sweat trickling down his neck. "But you see, now that you know we've been filming you, you can't be paid."

"Why ever not?" growled Sonic, pulling out his katana. Omochao backed away slightly.

"Well… it's the way it works. But, we're thinking of making a movie!" he bluffed quickly.

"Really?" said Sonic. "Would we be in it?"

"No," said Omochao, turning pale as they stepped toward him. "But you would have the finest actors playing you! Like you," he said to Shadow, "you would be played by… um… Jude Law!"

"Awesome!" yelped Shadow.

"And you," said Omochao to Sonic, "you would be played by Julia Roberts!"

There was a long silence.

"Wait!" said Omochao at last. "I didn't mean that! I meant to say, Jim Carrey! … Orlando Bloom! … Will Smith?"

"And what about Tails?" spat Shadow, looking very pissed off and lifting his axe again.

"Um… Matt Damon?" asked Omochao.

"Kill him!" shrieked Sonic and Shadow at the same time.

Omochao ran. He held his video camera, hearing the air behind him hiss as arrows and ninja stars flew past him.

"I'm gonna flatten that little tin can into a beer coaster!" roared Shadow, using Chaos Control to propel himself forward.

"I'm gonna use his head as a hood ornament!" cried Sonic, somehow causing a truck in his way to explode and fly off to the side.

"How did THAT happen?" asked Shadow, looking confusedly at the car.

"Well, you see, it all started when my dad was sent to the war in Vietnam to be a waterboy," began Sonic. "Then, my mom died of an addiction to mascara, and I was sent to live with a schizophrenic hobo who ate expired credit cards." By then, of course, Omochao had disappeared.

"Curses!" shrieked Shadow in frustration.

Omochao dashed back to his hotel.

"Yes," he breathed. "I may have been shot at, yelled at, threatened and forced to come up with names of actors… but I captured their Chao-hunting on film!" He swung his arms in glee, accidentally knocking the video camera off the desk where it was perched.

The video camera shattered into millions of pieces.

"Never!" roared Omochao.

Not just because of the video camera, but because a piece of it had lodged in his ankle.

Oh, come on… you really should review!


	3. Chapter 3

Omochao's Revenge

Since I can count on getting reviews, I think I'm going to set a rule: I have to get two positive reviews before I write more. I don't think that's unreasonable. Of course, somebody out there is probably agape at such an unreasonable offer, but they have no business on this site anyway. And… it shall begin!

The camera smashed all over the floor. Omochao howled in horror. But, he could see out of the corner of his eye, the tape in the camera bouncing along.

"No!" shrieked Omochao, dashing for the tape and lunging for it. The tape just bounced off of the balcony and fell many feet below. Omochao, without hesitation, jumped down to rescue it. It landed inside of a car.

Now, in general, people do not leap into cars from balconies. This is an even worse idea when the car in question is parked next to a car compactor. But Omochao was unaware of this as he dropped into the car.

Of course, at that moment the car was picked up by a clamp and carried into the crusher.

"Why?" shrieked Omochao. He hot-wired the engine (he had more experience on the subject than one might guess) and pushed the gas pedal. The car, slippery little devil that it was, slipped out of the crusher and drove off… into another crusher.

Omochao didn't even comment, preferring to go to his death silently. The walls closed ominously… the walls of the car pushed together… this was the end… all that could be heard was a…

"Bam! Smack in the middle of two Ritz Bitz sandwiches!" said a commercial guy's voice as Omochao drove out of the two crackers.

"Yes!" breathed Omochao, cruising at 70 miles per hour past a 40 miles per hour sign. Of course, a police car quickly spotted him and followed.

"Time for some fancy driving!" said Omochao. He somehow did a 180 spin and went into reverse at the same time, driving backward with the front of his car facing the oncoming police cruiser. They neared the waterfall of Chao Garden (Author's Note: I thought I might try to make this at least a little connected with the Sonic games). Of course, Omochao somehow did another 180 and went forward, driving straight up the surface of the waterfall. The police car exploded in a huge, fiery ball that was completely impossible considering that the car had run into a waterfall. But, logic was never quite there in this story, and so it happened. Omochao drove right up the waterfall and jumped out of the car.

And then, twenty policemen surrounded him.

"Hey, look!" said Omochao, hoping for a distraction. "A donut!"

"We're too good to fall for that!" shouted a policeman while somehow tripping over his pistol.

"With frosting!"

Just then, a donut with frosting fell out of the sky in front of one of the policemen.

"Is this the one you mean?" asked the policeman, munching it. "It's in front of me, not behind."

Omochao hit himself in the head very, VERY hard.

"Now, where was I?" wondered the policeman as Omochao ground his teeth in fury. By then, of course, Omochao had escaped using his world-famous teleporting ability.

"Curses! I will have my revenge, Omochao! You shall be locked up! Put behind bars! In jail! Ha! There's no escaping justice!" said all the policemen at the same time in an extremely freaky manner.

Omochao, of course, had teleported inside the car, where he picked up the tape and teleported back out, far away from the policemen.

"Yes!" cackled Omochao. "Now, I must find some kind of public TV screen!" He looked everywhere for one. "Aw, shucks! I can't find one!" Omochao kicked a post that supported a public TV screen. Of course, it collapsed on top of him.

"Why?" shouted Omochao loudly. He turned around… and saw a huge public TV screen.

"Yay!" cheered Omochao in an uncharacteristically non-evil voice. "Now, with my widely renowned wall-crawling abilities, I can climb to the top and insert the tape!" Omochao began using his widely renowned wall-crawling skills, commenting on the unusual birdcalls (that were actually bullets) that seemed rather close to him. Ignoring the thumb-sized steaming holes that punched themselves next to his hands and head, Omochao reached the top. He prepared to insert the tape…

Then realized that it only played DVDs.

Omochao's screams could be heard from miles around.

It's just two reviews, people… you can handle it! Also, from now on I'm gonna use a border between the story and the beginning and end notes, like the one above.


	4. Chapter 4

Omochao's Revenge 

Let's get it started in here! (God that song's stuck in my head…)

Their mirrored sunglasses flashed in the harsh sun. Their black ties fluttered over the lapels of their black suits. Their faces could have been chiseled in stone. Each bore a firearm in a waist holster, and their shoes were polished.

The only thing that made these mobsters in any way unmenacing was the fact that they were sitting around a lemonade stand.

"Geez!" complained one in a greasy Mediterranean accent, fidgeting and looking at the rings on one hand. "No business! If we don't get any money, we can kiss Don Guido's plans for the Pellegrino bust goodbye!"

"Don't be talking about the Pellegrino bust," hissed another in an outlandish German-Russian accent. "And Don Guido is not to be addressed as such. You call him Father Guillami when in public. Capisce?"

"Capisce," grunted a burly black man in a French accent, examining his fingernails.

Omochao was oblivious to this as he skipped down the lane, singing merrily.

"Cause I'm blinded by the light!" he rasped in one of the least tolerable singing voices in existence. "Man, I really need a drink of water!"

"You mean lemonade," hissed the German-Russian mobster, cracking his knuckles.

"Uh, no thanks, water floats my boat," said Omochao, making the worst pun ever heard.

"No, I think you must be mistaken," said the Mediterranean mobster. "When you say water, you really mean lemonade, right?" Omochao didn't quite know what these men were talking about, but he got the gist of it.

"Yeah," said Omochao. "I'd prefer lemonade, come to think of it."

"And who better to buy lemonade from than us?" said the French mobster. "After all, we sell the cheapest variety around, and ours has 82 percent less rat piss!"

Omochao looked around nervously as two new mobsters walked up behind him. "Um… I always liked pink lemonade," he confessed.

"Well, I'm sure you could make an exception," snarled the Mediterranean mobster, standing up and advancing on the terrified Omochao. "After all, you really like our kind of lemonade best, right?" He flicked a switchblade menacingly.

"Of course," quivered Omochao, reaching for his wallet. "How much does it cost?"

The French mobster smiled. "Thirty dollars."

Omochao grumbled under his breath.

"I BEG YOUR PARDON?" roared the German-Russian mobster, leaping on top of Omochao and whipping out his gun.

"Um… sounds like a deal," lied Omochao quickly. The German-Russian mobster backed off suspiciously. Omochao dropped his credit card on the counter.

"We deal in hard cash here," growled the Mediterranean mobster. With a sigh, Omochao counted out dollar bills and placed them on the counter.

"Thank you," said the French mobster. "I hope you feel good about what you have done… for your sake." The mobsters cracked their knuckles ominously as Omochao sprinted away.

"That's it!" roared Omochao. "The Mob! If I can't get Chao, I'll have the mob to help me! Ingenious!" He scurried off.

Later that day, Omochao hooked himself up to a large, public TV screen and a megaphone. He also had a boombox with him. With this, he planned to play a dark, dramatic song over the deaths of the Chao.

"Citizens of Chao Garden!" he screamed into the megaphone, feeling millions of eyes on him. "Here, today, I plan to give you a surprise: to show you all what Sonic the Hedgehog has been doing to your people!" He pressed play on the VCR, and then on the boombox.

As Chao died bloody deaths onscreen, Omochao chose to have some inspirational words.

"We will show him the impact of what he has done!" he cried. "We will show him how much we appreciate what he's doing! We'll show him just how happy we are!" The crowd looked on menacingly as the boombox started playing. To Omochao's horror, it did not play the dark, dramatic song, but rather this:

_If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands!_

_If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands!  
_

_If you're happy and you know it, and you really wanna show it,_

_If you're happy and you…_

"He's the one who's been killing them!" screamed a Chao, and many agreed.

"Oh," said Omochao, looking woozy, "shiver me timbers I didn't see that coming."

Two Chao had begun to climb up the TV screen to get at him. One actually lost his grip and fell after the lameness of that joke, but the other climbed up. Omochao slapped him down. As the Chao began to fall, Omochao grabbed his hand.

"I'll never let go, Jack!" said Omochao tearfully. "I'll never let go!"

"How'd you get my name?" wondered the Chao.

"Just kidding!" laughed Omochao diabolically as he let go, sending the Chao to his death. Of course, the TV screen began to fall to the ground, very similarly to the Titanic.

"The ship will suck us down! Kick for the surface and just keep sinking! We're gonna make it, Rose! Trust me!" howled Omochao. Of course, this was all nonsense, but none of the Chao knew that as they were crushed. Omochao jumped off of the falling TV, landing somewhere that somehow was unaffected by the falling TV. Chao bodies flew past him and fiery smoke exploded nearby.

There was an extremely long silence.

"Yep," said Omochao finally, "I'm gonna stick with the mob."

So, all the Chao are dead, and Omochao has to team up with the mob… what'll happen? Review and you'll get more!


	5. Chapter 5

Omochao's Revenge

"Hmmm…" commented Omochao. "If I'm gonna get a conference with the Mob, I'm gonna need to look the part. Time to go… SHOPPING!" Such a prospect would have terrified any other man. However, Omochao had been so whipped by his many girlfriends over the years that this did not daunt him in the slightest. He strolled up to a window.

"Them Mobster types all wear those black funeral suits," said Omochao. "But my arms aren't long enough for one of those. Hmmm… how about the 'Money Mike' look? I'm sure that pimp clothing will go down real smooth!" Omochao attempted to do a hand gesture, but a conspicuous lack of fingers prevented him from this. "Curses be!"

Moments later, Omochao emerged from the clothing shop, snipping the purchase tags off of his clothes. He wore a wide-brimmed dark purple hat, an orange crocodile skin trenchcoat over maroon corduroy pants and a burgundy polo shirt with fake chest hair. He wore many rings on his nonexistent fingers and a large dollar sign around his neck. His boots were light brown. To top it off, he carried a bright green pimp cane, which he twirled extravagantly. The whole look suggested less 'pimp' and more 'terminally brain-dead'. Of course, Omochao was unaware of this as he performed the Harlem shuffle down the street.

"Hmmm…" wondered Omochao for the second time in one chapter. "Getting the close was easy, but finding the Mob won't be! They're sure to be well-hidden," he admitted as the Mediterranean mobster drove by in a black Corvette. "Hmmm…" He turned around to face the French mobster.

"What are you doing?" hissed the French mobster.

Omochao smiled and attempted another ridiculous hand gesture, but this almost made him trip over his boots. "Well, if it ain't mah main man Jamal! How ya doing, brotha?"

"The name's Tyrone," hissed the French mobster.

"Tyrone, on the mike-mike-microphone," improvised Omochao, beginning a rap. "Phoning it home, but the audience don't care, they're lapping it up, they love it, they love the way he works it… um… the way he jerks it… just a sec… er… he's hitting the dance floor, hard-core… um…" Omochao was silenced by a brutal look from Tyrone. "Anyway, mah bro, I want a talk with Don Guido."

Tyrone looked serious. "You call him Father Guillami."

Omochao stood his ground. "Don't gimme none of dat 'formality' crap, I know mah place, he knows mah place and you should know your place, homeboy. Don't give me jive that you can't back up, sucka. Now, take me to Don Guido."

Tyrone attempted one last stand, encouraged by the arrival of the Mediterranean mobster in the black Corvette. "Nobody talks to Don Guido without my say-so!"

"Don't talk up to me, son, or I'm gonna school you!" hissed Omochao indignantly, quite impressed with his own performance. "You can talk the talk, but you can't walk the walk, homie. I got the bling, and I can bring it old-school. You don't got enough soul for a rave, boy." He spat on the ground and assumed a dancing pose.

Tyrone, visibly intimidated, backed off. "My mistake, sir. Please, get in the car." Omochao missed the wink that passed between the two mobsters and got in the car.

"What's your name?" asked the Mediterranean mobster, swiveling and revealing gold teeth. "Mine's Lorenzo. Pleased ta meetcha."

"You can refer to me as Mixdaddy Funkmaster," grinned Omochao. "I run the Whoa Zone up at East North West South Central." He was about to add more, but Tyrone clubbed him over the head and he fell unconscious.

Omochao woke up chained to a wall. A grey door lay in front of him. Omochao strained toward it. He could almost touch the handle… he touched it!

And discovered it was locked.

"Curses!" he shrieked. "I'll never get out!"

Suddenly, the German-Russian mobster opened the door. "This is him, boss."

"Good work, Boris." A man dressed in a white Armani suit walked in, his face somehow in shadow despite the many spotlights shining directly at him. "I am Don Guido. My boys tell me that you've been threatening them."

"Now wait just a minute," spluttered Omochao indignantly. "I did no such thing! I requested an audience with you, and they refused. So, I had to lay a little bit of the Mixdaddy Funkmaster charm on them."

"Mixdaddy Funkmaster," repeated Don Guido incredulously.

"Or just Omochao is fine," whispered Omochao, defeated.

"So, Omochao," said Don Guido, lighting up a highly illegal (not to mention stereotypical) Cuban cigar, "you say you want an audience with me. This is as good as you're going to get. Tell me what you have to say."

"I'm going on a revenge mission against Sonic the Hedgehog and his friends," reported Omochao. "They… um… they killed all seventy-eight of my daughters."

"You had seventy-eight daughters and no sons," said the Don.

"Yes," said Omochao. "No! I mean, for whatever reason they left my thirty-twelve sons alive. Quite fortunate."

"I agree," said the Don, sounding a little suspicious. "I can help you. But," he said, "my help comes at a price."

"Anything," said Omochao. "I'll do anything!" He rattled his chain in a frenzy.

"Hmmm… never mind," said the Don, "I'll help you just for the heck of it."

Omochao sighed in relief.

"But I will ask one thing of you," said the Don.

"What?" said Omochao. "I'll do whatever you want."

"You have to pass my test," said the Don happily, puffing some more on the cigar.

What could this test be? Find out next chapter! And how do you get a next chapter? BY REVIEWING!


	6. Chapter 6

Omochao's Revenge

"Your test," said Don Guido with relish, chomping on his Cuban cigar, "is to…"

Omochao waited impatiently.

"Is to…"

Omochao's eyes began bulging out of his head.

"To…"

"FOR THE LOVE OF BIOLIZARD, JUST TELL ME!" roared Omochao.

"Is to have two tests!"

Omochao roared in fury.

"And your first test is… to not have a first test!"

"That sounds easy enough," said Omochao sarcastically. "Um… I don't have a first test?"

"Good, you pass," said the Don as Boris Vulkanov the German-Russian mobster roared in approval. "Your second test is to… take my obstacle course."

Omochao sneered inwardly. "Hah! I won all the obstacle courses back at school! This should be a cakewalk!"

"It is," said the Don happily, pointing at a large, lava-filled area. "You have to hop to the other side, walking on these lava-resistant cakes!" He tossed several cakes into the lava.

"What?" screamed Omochao in rage.

"Oh… and you only have fifteen minutes," said Lorenzo the Mediterranean mobster kindly, pulling out a pocket watch.

"But- but- I- never- such a- why of all the-" sputtered Omochao indignantly.

"Fourteen minutes and forty-eight seconds!" bellowed Tyrone the French mobster.

Glancing nervously in all directions, Omochao stepped cautiously near the lava. Instantly a bright red lava snake-crab-scorpion thing almost bit his foot off.

"Oh, and watch out for the genetically engineered lava chompers," said MacRoberts the Scottish mobster, appearing suddenly.

With a moan of annoyance, Omochao set off on his test. He jumped onto the first cake. Omochao turned to the next one… to find out that a lava chomper was eating it.

"Oh," said Rolf Vulkanov, the German-Russian mobster brother of Boris, "did I tell you that the lava chompers love eating cake almost as much as they love eating robotic Chao?"

"Gah!" shrieked Omochao in horror as a lava chomper slithered near his foot. He hopped off of the cake and hovered in the air until he found a safe cake to land on.

"Thirteen minutes!" shouted Figaro the Italian mobster.

"Why is every mobster from a different country?" muttered Omochao crossly, dodging a flying lava chomper. Wait… flying lava chomper…

"All right!" raged Omochao. "Who forgot to tell me the lava chompers could fly?"

"We did," said Sid, Harry, Max, Greg and Bob the American mobsters.

Omochao could have punched a hole in the wall in rage.

"Twelve and a half minutes!" bellowed Antoine the Italian mobster (he was Figaro's twin).

Omochao actually punched the wall then. But somehow, his fist stuck to the wall. Omochao began climbing along the wall, ignoring the electric shocks that he received from having contact with the wall.

Wait a second…

"Somebody call?" asked Don Guido, appearing out of plain sight.

Omochao decided it wasn't worth it. He edged along the walls until he reached the other side of the lava pit. He then tried to drop.

He couldn't, because his hands couldn't remove themselves from the wall.

"I can't take it anymore!" shrieked Omochao. "Here I'll live, for the rest of my days, while my arms become useless and melted from electric shocks and I'm forced to drink liquefied cake and eat raw lava chompers and sleep hanging from a wall and-"

Just then, a lava chomper knocked Omochao to the other side.

"So, you're one of us," said the Don. "What do you want us to do?"

"I told you!" roared Omochao furiously. "I must get revenge on Sonic the Hedgehog and his companions!"

"OK," said Don Guido happily, puffing his Cuban cigar. "How should we do that?"

"We attack them!" roared Omochao, his robotic face going purple in anger and his propeller whirring rapidly.

"Oh," said the Don blandly. "You mean like a street fight?"

Omochao was about to have another outburst, but he decided his blood pressure was too high as it was. "Yeah, a street fight. Or maybe an assassination. Or a…"

"Yeah, great," said the mobster. "I'll take you to the weapons room."

Omochao's eyes lit up. "The weapons room?"

The weapons room… what's gonna happen? Review please!


	7. Chapter 7

Omochao's Revenge

Shade-the-Hedgehog: Another Favorites List! Yes!

Celestial the Hedgird: Now that I think of it, it is a little like West Side Story. And maybe Omochao will get anger management.

MoonShadeTheGoddessOfDarkness: You'll see.

Sour Schuyler: Huh? OK…

CasinoChao412: Yeah… I don't really have much to say.

Lordwindwalker: I already have the weapons room planned, but that's a good suggestion.

Sorry for the lack of updates. Review please!

Don Guido led Omochao down a long, dark hallway. Suddenly he stopped in front of a bottomless pit.

"Here," said the Don, his voice dropping to a tantalizing whisper, "we must follow the yellow brick road."

Omochao scanned the area in front of them. It was a bottomless pit, with no yellow bricks.

"Now," said the Don, "yell this phrase as loudly as you can: Oh Brick!"

"Oh brick!" shouted Omochao as loudly as he could, just to go along.

Suddenly, a red dirt path appeared on the bottomless pit.

"Huh?" asked Omochao.

"That's why we call it the Yell 'Oh Brick' road," said the Don happily, walking down the red dirt path.

"Huh?" bellowed Omochao furiously.

"Well, look! Here we are!" said the Don, pointing at a large door. The door was made of black stone and the sight of it put a tear in Omochao's eye, a lump in his throat, a tremble in his heart and a stick of butter in his hands.

"Huh?" roared Omochao for the second time in 5 seconds. "Why am I holding a stick of butter?"

"Can I have some?" asked MacRoberts, gazing forlornly at his plain toast.

The door slowly creaked open. It raised the hairs on Omochao's spine, not that there are any of course. The door opened slowly… all was darkness inside.

As it creaked open, Omochao saw a sight that put a tear in his eye, a lump in his throat… etcetera. Kicking the new stick of butter to the side, he gazed in awe.

Axes, swords, spears, katanas, crossbows, maces, scythes, whips, daggers, throwing knives, shuriken, hammers, and other medieval weapons dangled from the wall. Also strapped to the wall were many guns, such as rifles, machine guns, pistols, sniper rifles, shotguns, flamethrowers, bazookas, grenade launchers and stun guns. Omochao, his eyes gleaming in delight, reached for a gun… and slipped on the stick of butter. Undeterred, he reached forth again and pulled a Kalashnikov AK-47 off of one of the wall. It felt lighter than it should, but such was Omochao's excitement that he didn't care. His finger twitched on the trigger and pulled.

The trigger didn't move. It seemed to be bolted into place.

"What are you doing with the wall ornaments?" asked the Don in confusion, pointing at a huge, red door with many neon light bulbs attached to it. "This is just the waiting room."

"D'oh!" screamed Omochao, throwing the fake gun to the side and accidentally knocking Lorenzo out. "Let's go!"

The new door didn't creak. It glided smoothly on oiled hinges. Omochao stepped inside…

Huge vats of chemicals pulsed through tubes into huge tanks and nuclear weapons. A mist of green powder hissed in test tubes. Chemical weaponry surrounded them.

"Wicked!" shouted Omochao, examining the biological weapons. "Can we use them?"

"I'm afraid not," said the Don mournfully.

"Why ever not?" asked Omochao, his tone taking a dangerous edge.

"Well," said the Don sadly, sitting on a stool, "there's two reasons. One is my Pappy Jenkins' dying wish."

"Pappy Jenkins?" roared Omochao in rage.

"A kind, strong man," sniffled Don Guido piously. "As I was saying, I stayed with Pappy Jenkins while he was on his deathbed. He suffered from both starvation, since he had no teeth to chew his food with, and a strong toothache that affected his brain."

"A toothache?" screeched Omochao. "He had no teeth!"

"And now you're teasing him for a disability," sniffed the Don. "Have you no soul, you callous fiend? Is there any low you won't sink to? Anyway, as he was on his deathbed, Pappy Jenkins called to me. I came, and he told me, 'Sonny Boy, don't you ever touch weapons of mass destruction, not never in your whole life!' And I, obligated to do whatever he asked, lived by that rule for all my life." Don Guido smiled.

"What was the second reason?" asked Omochao, his voice as still as death itself.

"Well, the other reason is we don't know how any of it works," smiled Don Guido smugly.

Omochao kicked the wall in rage. Unfortunately, this caused a test tube to hit the ground.

And there was a tremendous explosion that, for whatever reason, had absolutely no effect on nobody except everybody other than the Don.

Which translates to, Only the Don died horribly.

"No!" screamed Tyrone. "What will I tell Pappy Jenkins?"

Omochao had had enough. He ran as fast as he could out of the room.

"Stop him! He killed the Don!" roared Sid, pointing an accusatory figure at Omochao's retreating figure.

And so, all of the mobsters reached into a broom closet and pulled out ever single kind of weapon imaginable and shot them at Omochao. He felt a tranquilizer dart hit him in the back and he fell.

When he woke up, he was on a disco stage, where he was doing a funky dance in his Mixdaddy Funkmaster outfit.

"Crank the party up, we about to get it on! Let me see you one two step, I love it when you one two step, everybody one two step, we about to get it on!" sang Omochao, strutting his stuff in a very disturbing fashion. Then the reality of what he was doing hit him like a ton of bricks. "What in the-?"

"Oh, sorry," said Pappy Jenkins, stepping out of nowhere. "I did it. But why are you so mad? Nobody's watching you, and there's nothing wrong."

"Well… it's the principle of the thing!" shouted Omochao. "And speaking of principals, you killed my high school principal!"

"No, Omochao," said Pappy Jenkins. "I am your high school principal!"

"No!" screamed Omochao, tortured by the cheesiness of that line.

And suddenly, Omochao woke up.

"That tranquilizer dart must have given me a weird dream," he muttered, standing up. Somehow, everybody in the Mob had died from the explosion. "Huh. So I can't rely on the Mob now."

Omochao kicked a rock angrily. "Well, fudge! Now where can I go?" A thought struck him. "Of course! Who will be more eager to kill Sonic and his friends than… DR. ROBOTNIK?"

This was undoubtedly Omochao's worst idea yet, including the one where he told Shadow that he would be played by Jude Law in a Chao-hunting movie. For one thing, Eggman wouldn't have any more luck defeating Sonic and his friends with Omochao's help. But Omochao was oblivious to this as he ran as fast as he could toward Eggman's base.

Of course, running in a straight line directly to someplace far away often results in running into a large object, such as a wall.

"Ow!"

Wow… my longest chapter yet! Sorry for the delay, folks!


	8. Chapter 8

Omochao's Revenge

Omochao teleported out of Chao Garden. He was back in the real world at last, away from cheesy Titanic references and completely ridiculous Mobs, away from Chao-hunting and improvising reality TV shows. He was back where he belonged.

The thought put a tear in his eye, a lump in his throat, a tremble in his heart and a stick of butter in his hand.

"Huh?" he screamed as the stick of butter squirted out of his hand, bounced off a trampoline, and somehow bounced at the same angle right back at him to hit him in the jaw. "What's up with the butter thing?" When no answer came, he began planning the hazardous voyage to Eggman's base.

Many minutes later, Omochao was reading his map to a small beetle that had been eating his foot.

"So," he explained, pointing out the long distance between his current location and Eggman's base, "I will start here. I will then make the dangerous trek across hill and water, over mountain and glen, through fire and chaos, and around large and generally inanimate objects. To begin, I must journey across the Desert of… um… Sandiness, which is a vast fifty miles in diameter. Then, as soon as I'm out of the desert, I will have to swim across the million-kilometer sea surrounding Eggman's island base, avoiding crocodiles, killer whales and motorboats. Then, I will infiltrate Eggman's base and, once he is at my mercy, I will strike a deal with him." He puffed out his chest pompously, proud of himself for being such a genius. "So, beetle, what do you think?" He braced himself for the praise.

"Omochao…" squeaked the beetle in Dutch (don't ask), "that is the dumbest idea I've ever heard! First of all, Eggman's base is landlocked! There's no sea around it! And even if there was, it wouldn't have crocodiles in it, and it wouldn't be right next to a desert that you obviously made up! And another thing… Eggman's base is right behind you!"

Omochao was at a loss for words.

This was primarily because he didn't speak Dutch. It was partly because Eggman's base was two feet from him.

"We relocated," explained a robot to the thunderstruck Omochao. Then something clicked in the robot's mind. "Hey, wait, you're not supposed to be here." He spoke into a walkie-talkie, and twenty-nine more robots appeared.

Omochao, using an amazing(ly cheesy) kung fu move, somehow caused five of the robots to be launched into the air, slammed into the ground, punched, bicycle kicked, and throttled to death. The remaining robots stood and trembled in fear, outnumbered 1 to 25.

"Curses!" cursed one of the robots. "We can't fight them! There's too many of them!"

"Exactly!" said many of the robots, although several loudly disputed this fact.

"Report back to base, men," growled the head robot in a gravelly voice. "We're in over our heads! Flee for the hills!" The robots ran away, suffering a catastrophic defeat.

Omochao, unable to believe his good luck, continued onward into Eggman's base. Using his insanely fancy karate moves to dodge all kinds of security hazards, Omochao shimmied up to a door with a large combination lock on it.

"Curses!" swore Omochao, giving the combination lock a strong kick. "Now I'll never get in!" He kicked it again, and it fell off. After all, everyone knows that a combination lock can easily be kicked into submission.

Surprised, Omochao opened the door. But just then he was surrounded by… the hammer bots!

"Oh, fudge," said Omochao, assuming a fighting stance.

The hammer bots… please review!


	9. Chapter 9

Omochao's Revenge

The Hammer Bots surrounded Omochao. He closed his eyes in sheer terror, overwhelmed by their… hammer-ness. He opened his eyes, still quivering. They hadn't changed.

They weren't giant hammers. They weren't those hammer-carrying robots from Sonic Heroes. They weren't even actual motorized hammers. No, each and every one of the Hammer Bots was a life sized, fully functional cyborg model of MC Hammer.

"Stop!" they all said monotonously at once. Omochao stopped, trembling in utter horror. "Hammer Time!" All 10 of them began parading around the room, somehow busting slick ghetto moves with their cyborg bodies.

"Wait a minute!" shrieked Omochao, striking the wall with all his might. "What… nonsense is this?" He was interrupted, of course, by all the Hammer Bots dancing around singing "Can't Touch This" at the top of their lungs.

"This is a monstrous…" Omochao couldn't find words. The only thing he could do was… sing!

He began singing the chorus to Candy Shop by 50 Cent. The robots just looked revolted.

"I think I'm on to something," he said craftily. He immediately began grinding his hips to "Baby Got Back," which had the robots vomiting machine oil. Running through every song with innuendo he could think of, he turned the Hammer Bots from smooth, slick gangstas into rusty old posers.

"I must say," breathed Pappy Jenkins, "back in my day, when water hadn't been invented and we had to walk uphill to school both ways, I would never have guessed that I would witness a rap battle between my son's murderer and a group of robots…" And with that, he passed out.

"What?" roared Omochao. "How'd you get involved (again)? We don't need your old-timer stuff!"

"Nice of you to say that!" shrieked an old woman, dementedly rocking on a rocking chair. "When I was a child, all we ever had to eat was pickles, cause that's how my daddy was paid, in pickles! For 17 and a half years we ate pickles, diced, mashed, put in soup, boiled, deep-fried, and put into cakes. In fact, during the depression, toward the beginning of my life, there wasn't enough money for brine, so we ate cucumbers! Also, if we were good, we got rotten burnt pickle hash, and for Christmas we got pickle cake with our famous pickle sauce! That was a secret family recipe, as I recall, and it required pickles, two miles of duct tape, a cheese grater, and a…" She trailed off as Omochao, looking mentally scarred beyond belief, ran off. "That's so typical of youngsters these days! Always rushing off, even during mealtime! When I was a child, all we ever had to eat was pickles…"

Omochao hid behind a corner, peering out. A large number of machine gun turrets occupied the hall.

"Oh, crap," said Omochao. Because he saw a pile of crap, of course. After all, there's no way that anyone would say those words if they were in a stressful situation, no sir.

One of the machine gun turrets picked up on him and began firing at him. Omochao dodged them Matrix-style, which was extraordinary considering that his legs didn't really have any joints in them. Using a move that would usually never be found outside of a Mortal Kombat game, Omochao picked up a Hammer Bot's body and launched it into the machine gun turret. It blew up, causing some kind of freakish reaction that resulted in the explosion of all of the machine gun turrets.

"How fortunate," said Omochao, running down the hall. He peered around the next corner to see a laser field, guarding a door that could only lead to Eggman's private chambers. The primary hint was the sign saying Eggman's Private Chambers on the door, which was odd since he preferred to be called Robotnik.

"But how will I get past that laser field?" mused Omochao. "I mean, who would ever expect Eggman to have lasers growing in a field outside of his door?"

"Not like that, you idiot!" exclaimed one of the robots, who then pretended not to notice Omochao.

"Hmmm…" Using his amazing Mission Impossible moves, Omochao got across the laser field. He reached for the doorknob… he opened it.

Eggman's private chambers were empty. Oh sure, there was a shaving mirror with blood all over the sink, there was a needle and thread with blood all over the thread, and there was a table with blood all over the plates. But there was no Eggman.

"How disappointing," said Omochao.

"How disappointing," said Eggman, standing directly in front of Omochao.

Hmmm… another cliffhanger! Please review!


	10. Chapter 10

Omochao's Revenge

Anyway, from now on I'm not gonna post a new chapter unless I have three reviews. That doesn't seem too hard. Review!

"Wait… where'd you come from?" wondered Omochao in bewilderment.

"Oh, I was lying on the floor, just below your field of vision," said Eggman smugly, eating a grape popsicle.

"Oh," said Omochao dreamily. He then began to sway his hips and sing Gwen Stefani. "If I was a rich girl, na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na! Cause I'd have all the money in the world, if I was a wealthy girl!"

"Well?" shrieked Eggman, bringing Omochao back to reality. "Why are you in my base? And how did you sneak past my Hammer Bots?"

"Thanks to my muscular body, my cunning wit, and my selfless bravery, I defeated them all in very… non-singing-related… combat," fidgeted Omochao nervously. "And I am in your base… to make an alliance with you!"

"Cool," said Eggman, pouring himself a Smirnoff ice. "What's the deal?"

"You see, I want to defeat Sonic the Hedgehog," said Omochao. "And I have tried to get help from Chao, I have tried to get help from Mobsters, and now I want help from you. The only person who can help me defeat them is somebody who has never defeated them in his life, despite his many efforts."

Eggman blinked. Of course, Omochao didn't see that, because the doctor wore sunglasses.

"Hmmm… sounds like a plan," said Eggman.

"That's it? I spend all this time to get to you, and it's that simple?"

"Well, no," said Eggman wickedly. "First, you'll need to pass a test."

Omochao's screams could be heard from miles around.

"Whoa, chill," winced Eggman. "The test is easy."

"What is it?" hissed Omochao, looking quite dangerous.

"You have to prove you'll be a good evil minion. You'll need to cook for me, make sure my robots do what they're supposed to, alert me if Sonic comes… that sort of thing."

Omochao took an aspirin. "Deal."

They shook hands, or rather, Eggman's pulpy fist practically crushed Omochao's robotic paw.

"Well, to start out, you'll need to fix me breakfast," said Eggman smugly, leaning back in his chair.

"What do you want to eat?" said Omochao, dreading the answer.

"Well, just for starters, I'll have waffles, pancakes, English muffins, toast, donuts, toaster strudels, pop tarts, bagels, fresh fruit, cereal, oatmeal, porridge, hash browns, sausage, bacon, ham, an omelette, orange juice, and a Danish… I'm not very hungry," said the doctor.

Omochao's eyes almost bugged out of his head. "Are you crazy? No wonder you're so fat!"

"Fine, the deal's off," shrugged Eggman.

"No, wait!" bellowed Omochao. "I'll do it."

Several hours later, Omochao carted all the food in, an apron and oven mitts on.

"Splendid," said Eggman, surveying his feast and somehow eating a bagel whole. "You've proven you can cook. Now, you must keep my legions in line."

"Fine," said Omochao. "Don't I get a uniform?"

"Your apron is your uniform," said Eggman smugly.

Grumbling, Omochao strode away.

A few rooms away, a robot was polishing Eggman's trophy collection (all of the trophies were made by Eggman's robots). Omochao strode into the room.

"Hmmm…" said Omochao. "Good polishing, robot."

"Thank you, sir," beeped the robot.

"What do you use as polish?" Omochao asked softly. "Soapy water? Would you say that that is the BEST way to clean trophies?" His eyes glinted maniacally.

"I think so… I'm not sure," stuttered the robot.

"Not sure, eh?" growled Omochao with eyes of fire. "Well, maybe your memory will come back when you're burning in the depths of the earth's core!" Omochao pulled out a fake Chaos Emerald (but the robot didn't know that) and glared angrily.

"It is the best!" shrieked the robot fearfully. "Nothing better than soapy water, sir."

"Not even Windex?" asked Omochao, his voice menacingly.

"Windex? Good suggestion, sir," said the robot, relieved.

"I was just testing you! Windex sucks!" cackled Omochao. "Open fire!" He pulled out a set of Tommy guns and blasted the robot into smithereens.

"Good work," approved Eggman. "Nothing like that to keep a robot on his toes. Now, only one more test… alert me when Sonic comes."

"Well, that could take forever!" whined Omochao. "What if he never comes? What reason would he have to come here, anyway?"

Just then, the wall smashed in, and the form of a blue hedgehog emerged from the debris.

Remember, three reviews!


	11. Chapter 11

Omochao's Revenge

The blue hedgehog pulled himself out of the wreckage of the wall. He glared at Eggman. Eggman opened his mouth, recognizing the hedgehog. He yelled…

"Metal Sonic! How many times have I told you not to punch the walls?"

"I wasn't punching the walls," said Metal Sonic in satisfaction. "I was _kicking _them."

"Same difference!" roared Eggman. "What if I'd mistaken you for Sonic and shot you?"

"My bulletproof armor would have deflected it," said Metal Sonic smugly.

"Curse you, infernal robot!" shrieked Eggman. "Why must you make my life so difficult?"

"Because you programmed me to," smiled Metal Sonic kindly.

"He makes me so… furious!" roared Eggman in anger. "You're the only one I can turn to in these troubled times, Omo… Omochao?"

For Omochao was singing Eminem while doing the Harlem shuffle.

"Make me feel better!" whined Eggman. "Don't just stand there!"

"Now hush little baby, don't you cry, everything's gonna be alright, stiffen that upper lip up little lady, I told ya Daddy's here to hold ya through the night!" sang Omochao, spinning on his head.

"Don't patronize me!" screeched Eggman. "I'm not a baby, or a little lady! Now stop that condescending stuff and get down to business!"

"I'm down with business," smiled Omochao. "What do we do?"

"Well," glared Eggman, "we need to make some kind of doomsday machine that will lure Sonic here."

"Ingenious," cackled Omochao. "Let's make design sketches!"

So, Eggman and Omochao strode purposefully to the design room. More likely, Eggman waddled purposefully and Omochao half-floated half-bounced purposefully to the design room, but I'm trying to keep it short here.

"So," said Omochao, drawing a quick sketch on graph paper, "my proposed design is this. We shall codename it Kevin. It will be a giant cucumber positioned in outer space. It shall cleverly be disguised as a pickle, and it will have enough firepower to destroy the world." (Author's Note: Anyone who read Sonic Insanity before it was taken off should get a kick out of this!)

"Sounds evil," said Eggman. "What will we do with it?"

"Well," said Omochao, "first we'll destroy the other half of the moon. Then, we'll destroy the world!"

Eggman inhaled fiercely through his nose. However, he accidentally sucked his mustache into his nose and suffocated.

"Oh, drat," said Omochao. "Eggman's dead."

"No, I'm not," said Eggman, walking through the door.

Omochao looked from Eggman's dead body, to the new Eggman standing in the doorway. He didn't want an explanation.

"Well, it's a great plan," said Eggman. "But I think I have a better one. We'll build a massive robot!"

There was a long silence.

"You idiot, that's what you always do!" said Omochao. "That's all you did throughout Sonic Heroes! You threatened everyone with the 'ultimate weapon,' which Sega was too lazy to explain in any way other than a bonus end level, and the only way you fought them throughout the game was in giant robots or with small robots of your own! Even the so-called 'ultimate weapon' was a freaking robot! It was, like, Metal Sonic in a Jurassic Park costume!"

"Yeah, but this one will be even better!" whined Eggman. "It'll have tons of guns, and I'll make obnoxious comments from it! And, if they defeat it, I'll escape using a little floating thing!"

"That's exactly what you always do!" shouted Omochao furiously.

"And it always works," smiled Eggman.

"It always fails!" screamed Omochao. "We need change!"

Eggman's face hardened. "Well, if you don't like it, then I'll just take away the Tommy guns!"

"No!" shrieked Omochao desperately. "I want them! I love your plan! What shall we call the robot?"

Eggman smiled. "It will be called… the Onion of Doom."

Omochao nearly died laughing.

The Onion of Doom… review!


	12. Chapter 12

Omochao's Revenge

"The… Onion of Doom?" choked Omochao, laughing.

"Yes," glared Eggman. "We'll discuss it over lunch!"

"Why can't we just discuss it now?" asked Omochao.

"Because I always think better on a full stomach," smiled Eggman.

"I suppose this means I'll have to cook for you again," grumbled Omochao.

"No," said Eggman happily. "We're going out to lunch!"

So, the two of them walked a little down the block to Dudley's Bar and Grill, the most fashionable diner in town.

"Welcome to Dudley's Bar and Grill," said a bored waiter. "May I take your order?"

"You can't take anything of mine!" shouted Omochao. "However, you can listen to my order and tell the chef what I ordered!"

"… That's what I meant," said the waiter, already regretting his job as Eggman snarled menacingly at Omochao.

"Hmmm… in that case, I'll have a grilled cheese sandwich, with… um… French fries, and some Sierra Mist," said Omochao.

"What a lightweight," spat Eggman in contempt. "Listen, young youngster, I'll have the broiled lobster, the boiled squash, the lemon chicken, the curry, the smoked salmon, the tuna melt, the corn dog, the roast beef, the ham, the meatloaf, the steamed duck, the baked potato, the…"

The waiter scribbled furiously, steam emitting from his pencil and threatening to set the notepad on fire.

"… fruit salad, the salad bar, a Jack Daniels on the rocks, and an omelette!" finished Eggman.

"Gee, Eggman, aren't you worried that won't be enough?" asked Omochao snidely. "We wouldn't want you wasting away."

"Shut your trap," growled Eggman threateningly. "Now, about the Onion of Doom, that's just a codename."

Omochao sighed in relief.

"It will be a large robot, part tank, part helicopter, part submarine and part onion."

"Wait… I thought you said it had nothing to do with onions!" objected Omochao.

"First of all, I didn't say that, and second, it's only part onion because it will be painted in camouflage colors to help it blend in with onions!" Eggman informed him.

"Why would we ever be in a situation where we had to blend in with onions?" hissed Omochao.

"I was in one once," sniffed Eggman. "I remember it like it was yesterday… what's today's date?"

"The 21st," said Omochao.

"Oh, so it was yesterday," said Eggman.

Before a flashback could take place, the waiter appeared with the food.

"Where's my food?" growled Eggman menacingly.

"We have some of it, but not all of it, sir," said the waiter. "We're calling other restaurants, and a meat processing plant from out of state has about three hundred pounds of meat that was in your order."

"Well, get me what you have!" shouted Eggman.

Omochao prodded the grilled cheese sandwich suspiciously. "Waiter! What chef made this grilled cheese?"

"Chef Jenkins, sir," said the waiter.

Omochao suddenly looked suspicious. "Please send him out here."

Chef Jenkins, who mercifully bore no resemblance to the infamous Pappy Jenkins, walked out. "What would you like, sir?"

"This grilled cheese sandwich is cut diagonally," said Omochao in a low voice, clenching his fist. "Do you usually cut it horizontally or diagonally? ANSWER ME, MAN!"

"I'd have to say horizontally, sir," quailed the chef.

"I'm glad you answerer with that… for your sake," said Omochao ominously. "Did you use bread from a store, or did you bake your own?"

"I… I'm not sure, sir," said the chef.

"_Not sure?_" questioned Omochao, staring with eyes of fire at the terrified chef. "Well, maybe you'll remember the answer when _you're boiling in the furnaces of Satan!"_

"No! No!" shrieked the chef. "It was store bought bread, I tell you! Store bought!"

"Good," hissed Omochao. "One final question… do you put on your apron first, or your chef's hat?"

"Neither, I put on my oven mitts," said the chef.

Omochao looked enraged. Suddenly the chef burst into flames and ran through a wall, screaming.

"Well, that was cheerful," said Eggman blandly, eating his fruit salad.

"So…" said Omochao. "When do we attack Sonic and his friends in the Onion of Doom?"

Eggman smirked. "In a week."

Dun dun dunnnnn! What will happen to Sonic and his friends? Or Omochao? And how did he set that Chef on fire? Find out in the next chapter! And you'll get a new chapter by reviewing!

This does not guarantee that you will find anything out.


	13. Chapter 13

Omochao's Revenge

Eggman and Omochao didn't have much to do. All the robots were hard at work creating the Onion of Doom, Metal Sonic was hard at work sitting around watching Aqua Teen Hunger Force and anything on Adult Swim, and Omochao and Eggman were hard at work not working hard.

"I walk this empty street, in the Boulevard of Broken Dreams, where the city sleeps, and I'm the only one…" sang Omochao absently, twirling a knife between his fingers.

"Sir?" asked a robot, walking in.

Omochao yelped in fear. He hurled the knife at the robot (it missed) and launched himself away, knocking over the couch and causing a huge amount of debris to fly up into the air, uprooting floor tiles and shattering the walls. Chunks of stone, wood and glass hurtled in an intricate ballet of chaos as… OK, all that Omochao did was jump a little and drop the knife.

"What is it?" hissed Eggman, upset.

"The Onion of Doom is nearly 30 percent complete," said the robot.

Omochao was about to launch into another one of his threatening speeches, but the robot left before this could happen.

"Drat," scowled Omochao. He then picked up the knife and continued singing. "When the pimp's in the crib, ma, drop it like it's hot, drop it like it's hot…"

"Time for breakfast!" announced Eggman spontaneously, jumping up and almost hitting himself on a clock that read that it was 5 in the evening.

Omochao was about to protest, but Eggman quickly explained that minor detail away by saying that the clock was off and that it was really 5 in the morning.

"Wait," said Omochao. "Wouldn't we still be in bed? I mean, what kind of unholy abomination of life would be up before 10 in the morning?"

"Um… pretty much every child in existence," said Eggman.

"Useless brats," huffed Omochao. "I mean, they don't even grow up into useful adults or anything!"

Eggman was about to object, but the breakfast menu arrived. (They sure eat a lot around here…)

"Hmmm… I'll have the waffles," said Eggman.

"Say it ain't so!" roared Omochao, suddenly looking grim.

"What?" asked Eggman, confused.

"That does it," seethed Omochao, his face contorting in rage and his voice cooler than Snoop Dogg in shades. "I endure fire and wrath and ruin, pass through time and thought, go to the highest bloody room of the tallest bloody tower (a point to anyone who can tell me what Omochao references in those phrases) I forge an alliance with you, and I find you support the cause of _waffles?_" A vein appeared in Omochao's temple, which was unusual considering that he had no blood or veins. "Of all the underhanded, dirty, low-down traitorous tricks to play! Pancakes are quite clearly the supreme!"

"Now listen here, robot," snarled Eggman, lifting his immense weight out of the chair and staring down Omochao. "I have nothing against pancakes. They're quite good, actually. But the man who tells me that waffles are lesser breakfast consumables than waffles," his voice rose several octaves to an impassioned cry, "_is the man who meets his death at the end of my gun!"_

"Well, it's a good thing I'm a robot, not a man," sneered Omochao. "But of all the things! Our alliance is over! Kaput! Null and void!"

"So be it," snorted Eggman. "I'd rather impale myself on a sword than have an alliance with someone as different from me as you!"

"I'd rather have you impale yourself on a sword than have an alliance with someone as different from me as you, too," admitted Omochao happily.

Eggman clenched the air with his fists. "_This means war!"_

Uh-oh… will the Onion of Doom ever be made? Will Eggman and Omochao really fight, and who will win? And will Omochao stop singing? Find out by reviewing!


	14. Chapter 14

Omochao's Revenge

OK… one minor tidbit: I support Omochao in the pancakes vs. waffles war. I'm a pancake person. What do you like? Review and tell me! And now for our feature presentation!

They stared each other down. A lone piece of paper fluttered by. They stood in a subway station, and they leaped at each other, firing bullets repeatedly at each other. It was quite reminiscent of the first Matrix movie, actually.

Which wasn't surprising, considering that Eggman and Omochao were watching the first Matrix movie on TV.

"Wait one pea-picking minute!" roared Omochao, standing up so quickly that he stood up quickly. "What about our highly anticipated battle over pancakes versus waffles? Heavens to Betsy, are we all mad?"

"No," said Eggman indifferently. "But since this fic has no continuity whatsoever and the author's too lazy to include this, we're not fighting."

"Preposterous!" roared Omochao, shaking his fist to the skies. "I'll not have my life controlled by some foolish author!" Suddenly, Omochao's skin began to turn pink and he grew long, curly eyelashes. "I take it back!" he shrieked in a panic as the author, in some alternate universe, chuckled in glee. "Curse you Mecha Scorpion!"

"Oh, just sit down and watch the movie," said Eggman as Agent Smith held Neo in front of the train.

"Fine," scowled Omochao as his feminine appearance vanished. He sat down and began absentmindedly singing. "I'm so gutter, so ghetto, so hood. So gully, so grimey, what's good? Outside, the Benz on Dubs, I'm in the club with the snub, don't start nothin' it won't be nothing, uhhh…"

"What kind of stupid song is that?" asked Eggman in disgust. "What stupid guy would call himself 'gully' and 'grimey?' Who does he think he is, 50 Cent?"

There was a short silence.

"Oh," said Eggman, understanding. "So he is 50 Cent."

"Exactly," said Omochao, still humming.

Suddenly, a loud noise, like a train going through a tunnel, rocked the room.

Because the train was going through the tunnel in The Matrix on TV.

Eggman growled angrily, while Omochao foamed at the mouth.

"Sir!" said a robot, jumping into the room. Omochao subtly pulled out a flamethrower. "Sonic is attacking the base and has destroyed the Onion of Doom!"

"What?" roared Omochao, spraying flecks of foam all over the floor.

"Just kidding!" smiled the robot cheerfully.

Omochao foamed even more at the mouth. Pulling out the flamethrower, he (somehow) set the robot on fire.

"And… the Onion of Doom is 50 percent complete," gasped the robot with its dying breath. (Not that robots breathe, but…)

"Burn baby burn," laughed Omochao. "That's a disco inferno."

"Wait… that's not part of Disco Inferno!" said Eggman.

"Yeah, it is," explained Omochao. "You see, the Disco Inferno I was just singing was 50 Cent, and the Disco Inferno with 'burn baby burn' in it was Tina Turner."

"Oh," said Eggman, satisfied.

Just then, gunshots could be heard.

Eggman and Omochao jumped out of the couch, looking angry. They saw where the gunshots had come from.

Agent Smith was shooting at Neo on TV.

Omochao spat so much foam that he could have used it as bubble bath.

Not much happened in this chapter… but review anyway!


	15. Chapter 15

Omochao's Revenge

Omochao strode down the hall, singing "Yeah" by Usher and Ludacris.

"In the club with my homies, try to get a little V-I, keep down on the low-key…" sang Omochao. Suddenly, a mysterious force plowed him over.

"I'll get you for that!" he roared at Metal Sonic, who fled the scene. "Grr… stupid robot."

Ignoring the hypocrisy in that last statement, Omochao pulled a SVD Dragunov sniper rifle off the wall and chased Metal Sonic. He rounded the corner and avoided a hail of bullets. Somehow Metal Sonic had a weapon. Omochao performed a spinning leap, firing repeatedly at Metal Sonic. He landed on his back and fired between his legs. Metal Sonic dashed away.

"I'll make you pay for this if it's the last thing I do!" shrieked Omochao, mounting a conveniently placed motorcycle and revving the engine. He zoomed after Metal Sonic with no hands, shooting his sniper rifle.

One of the bullets hit Metal Sonic. Despite having bulletproof armor, the robot exploded in a large, fiery ball.

"What's going on?" demanded Eggman irritably, storming out of a room.

"I can explain," said Omochao automatically.

"Yes!" said Eggman. "Someone finally killed Metal Sonic!"

"That's not true," said Metal Sonic, appearing from behind a crayon.

"Wait…" Omochao was at a loss for words.

"Oh, that's just my robotic version," replied Metal Sonic carelessly, pointing at the body.

"You are a robot!" shouted Eggman furiously.

"I didn't think of that," admitted Metal Sonic ruefully.

"Sir," said a robot, kicking down a brick wall to enter the room, "the Onion of Doom is 70 percent complete."

Omochao exploded. By that, I don't mean that he exploded in anger, but that he literally exploded.

"He lived a long, full life," said Eggman without a trace of sadness.

"Yes, I did," said Omochao, tunneling up from the floor.

"Wait a…"

"Oh, that's just my robotic version," replied Omochao carelessly, pointing at the body.

"You are a robot!" shouted Eggman furiously.

"Is anyone getting déjà vu?" asked Metal Sonic, but he was ignored.

"Sir," said the robot, repeating its message, "the Onion of Doom is 70 percent complete!"

Omochao exploded in anger. "This is a monstrous injustice! Why is it that every chapter, the Onion of Doom is 20 percent more complete?"

"It's how robots work," explained Metal Sonic.

"What the crap is a robot?" roared Omochao.

There was a long silence.

"I don't know how to break this to you…" began Eggman.

"…but we're robots," said Metal Sonic. "It may seem weird, but-"

Omochao snorted in disgust. "What's weird," he growled, "is you two finishing each others sentences like an old married couple!"

"It's how robots work," explained Metal Sonic.

"Well, maybe robots suck!" exclaimed Omochao.

Metal Sonic suddenly looked grim. He unsheathed his claws.

"What are you going to do, fight me?" asked Omochao. Suddenly, a mysterious force plowed him over.

"I'll get you for that!" he roared at Metal Sonic, who fled the scene. "Grr… stupid robot."

"Is anyone getting déjà vu?" asked Eggman.


	16. Chapter 16

Omochao's Revenge

Omochao sat on an armchair, huddled over a table. He was rolling a cigar. He crushed the tobacco so it was compacted into a cylindrical shape. He then took out a rolled-up sheet of rough paper and used a Swiss army knife to cut a rectangle from it. Omochao rolled the rectangle of paper around the tobacco tightly and sealed it with a circular sticker reading "Best of Cuba 1803." He placed the cigar among several others in a worn box and closed it, fastening a latch.

"Ah, the only thing better than selling fake vintage cigars… is smoking them," he smiled. He quickly repeated the process, flicked out a lighter, and took a deep drag. He began to hum softly to himself as the tip of the cigar smoldered.

"But since you been gone, I can breathe for the first time, I'm so moving on, yeah, yeah, thanks to you now I get what I want, since you been gone," he muttered.

Suddenly, the little angel and devil appeared on his shoulders. They looked like the Hero Chao and the Dark Chao from Sonic Adventure 2: Battle.

"Don't smoke that cigar!" shrilled the angel. "It'll give you cancer!"

"You're a man!" argued the devil. "Keep smoking!"

Omochao's thought process was interrupted by a robot barging in.

"The Onion of Doom is 90 percent complete!"

Omochao moodily threw a shot glass at the robot and continued listening to his angel and devil.

"What's wrong with smoking?" asked the devil. "James Bond smokes! Brad Pitt smokes! You'll be fine, and cool!"

"Not true!" squeaked the angel, its halo glowing brightly. "Smoking gives you lung cancer, and any kind of cancer is bad! Did you know that Eggman got breast cancer?"

"Too much detail!" shrieked Omochao in a panic.

"Be a man!" snarled the devil.

"You can stop the habit!" argued the angel.

Omochao ground out the cigar on the angel's head and flicked it off his shoulder before rolling a new one and smoking it.

Eggman walked in. His eyes lit up when he saw the cigars.

"Are those… _drugs_?" he asked in a voice that quivered with emotion.

"Yeah, but you'll have to pay me twenty bucks for one," said Omochao pompously. "They are, after all, Best Of Cuba 1803."

"Fine," scowled Eggman, pulling out two cans of Coors Light and passing one to Omochao. "Ah, this is the life!"

"It sure is," agreed Omochao, blowing a smoke ring.

"Hey," said Eggman, looking mischievous, "let's play Monopoly!"

Omochao was too wasted to point out how random and stupid that was. "Sure."

They began playing. Within minutes Omochao had multiple hotels on every property he owned, and he had about 3/4 of all the properties on the board.

"Oooh! A chance card!" said Omochao, who had rolled double sixes for the last eight turns. He took a card and read it. "Wealthy mother dies and leaves you 2000 dollars. Collect 5000 dollars." Omochao looked confused. "Wait, I thought she left me 2000 dollars. Oh well." Omochao looked at the bank. "We're running out of 500 dollar bills!" He took the money and, with his lighter, accidentally set a 500-dollar bill on fire. "Well, it doesn't make much difference," he smiled, gesturing at his massive amount of cash.

Eggman growled. "I rolled double ones and landed in jail… again… for the ninth time in a row… I want to see that chance card you got," he muttered, looking at it. His face changed from tan (or peach or beige or whatever you want to call it) to crimson. "This says you lost 300 dollars! This says nothing about a mother!"

"Well, I have something to say about your mother!" roared Omochao.

"That does it!" shouted Eggman, standing up. "I know you've been cheating! Nobody can get so many hotels that we run out!"

"Are you calling me a cheater?" screeched Omochao. "This means war!"

Things looked tense between the two of them. In fact, things could have gotten very dire indeed if Metal Sonic had not jumped in the room, stolen the cigars, and left.

For a moment there was silence. Then…

"Metal Sonic!"

The Onion of Doom gets completed next chapter, so review!


	17. Chapter 17

Omochao's Revenge

Shadow'sGirlfriendAmyRose: Now you know.

Stephen: Good for you.

Steve the green hedgehog: Also good for you.

Shadowwon'tdie: And… good for you.

So, pancakes have three more allies! Take that, waffles! Let's go!

The robot opened the door. Omochao, who was extremely insecure and paranoid after having his cigars stolen, turned and fired repeatedly on the robot with a Colt .45.

The robot, which turned out to be Metal Sonic, twisted and dodged all of the bullets, bending his body in ways never before conceived.

"That sounds wrong…" muttered Omochao, still shooting.

"I have a message!" gasped Metal Sonic, somehow touching his elbow to the back of his neck in a way to dodge. "The Onion of Doom is… completed!" Panting for breath, the robot stopped bullet-dodging and lay limply on the floor.

"Oh," said Omochao. He put down the gun and put a pair of fuzzy slippers on and began singing. "Can you take it all away, can you take it all away, when ya shoved in ma face…"

"Do you not grasp the significance of this?" thundered Eggman, barging in. "Our Armageddon weapon is finished! Nothing can stop us from destroying the other half of the moon now!"

"Who cares about the other half of the moon?" asked Omochao. "What I suggest is… we set a countdown until we destroy England!"

"Nobody cares about England," mused Eggman. "Too much tea and crumpets. But you're on the right track. How about Canada?"

"Too much maple syrup."

"Japan!"

"Too much anime."

"France!"

"Too many berets and loaves of French bread."

"Germany?"

"Too much sausage and beer."

"Well, what do you suggest?" snarled Eggman, his face as red as a cloud.

"I suggest… America!" laughed Omochao maniacally. "Maybe foreign countries don't like America, but they have too much stuff! They have money, they have resources, they have French fries!"

"Ingenious!" cackled Eggman. They spent a while chuckling, and then there was silence.

"And, um, with the Onion of Doom," continued Omochao, with notably less enthusiasm, "we'll, uh, have some complete power… I dunno…"

"Yeah," murmured Eggman. "We'll be real powerful…"

Metal Sonic slapped his forehead. "Well, when are you going to do this plan that you're so excited about?"

"I dunno," muttered Omochao. "Like… a week from now or something, not sure…"

Metal Sonic could have ripped out his own circuits in rage. "You fools! You have to strike now at America! You can't just loaf around and do it whenever you feel like it!"

"Why not?" challenged Omochao.

"And another thing," continued Metal Sonic, regardless of Omochao, "Sonic isn't in America!"

"Well, where is he, if you're so clever?" asked Eggman.

"Texas!" shouted Metal Sonic.

"Um, actually that's in America," said Eggman.

"My mistake," admitted Metal Sonic. "He's not in America… he's in Station Square!"

"You mean Station Square, Colorado?" asked Omochao.

"I knew that," said Metal Sonic.

What's gonna happen? You're gonna review, that's what's gonna happen!


	18. Chapter 18

Omochao's Revenge

Anyway, let's get this party started!

"They interview the kid, oh training they forbid, because Yoda sensed in him much fear, and Qui-Gon said 'Now listen here, just stick it in your pointy ear, I still will train this boy…" Omochao paused briefly from his Weird Al Yankovic singing and then resumed. "He was singing, my, my this here Anakin guy, may be Vader someday later but now he's a small fry, he left his home and kissed his mama goodbye, singing soon someday I'll be a Jedi…"

Eggman walked into the room. "I changed the-"

"Gah!" shrieked Omochao, throwing his guitar across the room. "What do you want?"

Eggman calmly dodged the guitar. "The countdown is for seven days from now!"

"You will die in seven days," hissed Omochao in a raspy voice. Then he grew serious. "They're the same thing! How many days are in a week, Eggman? Huh?"

"Um, eight?"

"No! Guess again!"

"Seven?"

"That's right, baby," said Omochao. "Or should I say, baby who mooned the entire USA yesterday?"

Eggman blinked. "That never happened!"

"Yes, it did," said Omochao. "When you were making your threat to the world, I replaced your footage of the Onion of Doom destroying stuff with a diaper-changing video of yours!"

"That's it!" roared Eggman. He was about to attack Omochao, but he decided not to (for some reason). "I'll change it to three days! Deal?"

"Deal," glared Omochao. He gave Eggman a "But you better not mess it up again!" look.

Eggman gave Omochao a "Of course I'm not going to! But you better not talk about the baby incident!" look.

Omochao gave Eggman a "OK, fine. Did you hear the Globetrotters are playing the Knicks tomorrow?" look.

Eggman gave Omochao a "Yeah. Do you want a Best of Cuba 1803 cigar? I have some right here!" look.

"Why's it so quiet in here?" asked Metal Sonic, before leaving.

There was a short silence.

"Wait," said Omochao. "How do you give someone a look that says the Knicks are playing the Globetrotters?"

"I dunno, you're the one who did it," said Eggman.

Just then, the newspaper was delivered. Because a paperboy will always deliver a paper to a heavily guarded evil base that has just threatened to destroy America.

"Hmm…" said Eggman, getting the mail and the paper. "Here, Omochao, you read the mail and I read the newspaper."

Omochao flicked through envelopes. "Bill… bill… coupon… bill… spam…"

"Spam?" said Eggman, salivating wildly.

"I meant spam, like as in junk," said Omochao.

"I thought you only said that about e-mail," muttered Eggman. He took the rubber band off the paper and saw the headline news. His face grew furious.

For the headline news said that Blockbuster had stopped having no late rental fees.

"No!" he shrieked to the heavens. "Curse you… um, who owns Blockbuster… uh… Curse you Wally Fitzpatrick!"

Omochao gave Eggman an odd look and threw the headline into the trash. They turned to the next page.

The headline read: EGGMAN'S NEWEST PLAN INCLUDES CHILD PORNOGRAPHY!

"WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?" roared Eggman. He kept reading.

In his newest plot, the terminally obese Dr. Eggman, who has been constantly thwarted by Sonic the Hedgehog over the last few years, has turned to a more menacing way of work. Overriding all TVs in America, the good doctor spouted nonsense off of a set of cue cards, and then displayed a video of a child resembling him at a young age having a diaper changed. The child's bottom was exposed, resulting in angry parents demanding why their own children need be exposed to this. Eggman seemed to be unaware of this. When asked to comment…

"I NEVER COMMENTED!"

"Keep reading!"

When asked to comment, the doctor made assorted clucking noises and insisted that the diaper footage was a mistake and he was planning to display himself in a chicken suit instead. The conclusion we can draw from this is that Eggman is a chicken boy! Cluck, cluck, cluck! Bwocka, bwocka!

Eggman sat there, motionless. Omochao gazed nervously on. Eggman seemed on the verge of calming down…

Then, Metal Sonic threw the bag of chicken feed at Eggman.

"Augh!" screamed Eggman. "I hate everybody!" And with that, he ran off to hurt Metal Sonic badly.

Omochao put his head in his hands.

You should review…


	19. Chapter 19

Omochao's Revenge

Eggman had retreated to his private chambers to sulk after the notorious "chicken boy" incident. Metal Sonic paid no attention and practiced with the Onion of Doom. Omochao, after a good ten or eleven hours, walked in to comfort Eggman.

It was worse than he had feared. Eggman's hair… OK, his mustache was straggly and had leaves woven into it. He was cooking goat meat over a bonfire and was having a nice conversation with a volleyball with a face painted on it.

Omochao broke out into a sweat. However, he kept his calm and walked into the room. "Eggman, you need to get over this. It's been ten hours! No, eleven! Get a grip!"

"But Bernard," whined Eggman mournfully, "I can't go back. Not after what I've done. Not after who I've become. Or maybe vice versa, hehehehe…"

Omochao felt a spark of hope. Eggman seemed to be regaining his old personality. "That's the spirit! Now, get out of here and be the commander of your army!"

Eggman looked petulant. "I refuse! I have become something more than what they will accept! It is a writhing force within me, dormant but restless together, waiting for an escape. Then, hate and spite and ruin shall dominate me, and chaos be to the earth!" His fat jiggled as he laughed throatily. (Just so you know, I didn't get that speech from anywhere. I made it up. Can't resist some good writing now and then!)

Omochao resisted the urge to roll his eyes until they dislocated themselves. "Come on, Eggman!" He decided to play along. "Harness your inner demons to control your followers! Be a god where there was once a mortal!" The fire began to flicker and clouds built up in the sky.

"You speak the truth," said Eggman quietly. "But the truth is tinged in deception. For I see that you do not seek to mentor me, but you seek dominion! You seek to control me!"

Omochao gulped. He would need some fast talking to get out of this one. "You talk as a mortal would! You are no longer of that station! You are a god, capable of more! Become what you have the right to become! Govern your legions and do not spurn or stymie them, urge them to victory!" (Hee hee hee… it's just fun!)

Eggman stopped this weird, Lord of the Rings type thing and took on a gravelly voice. "You're making me angry. You wouldn't like me when I'm angry."

Omochao could see the game was up. He edged stealthily for the door. He accidentally tripped over the volleyball and stood back up.

Eggman ripped through his clothing, leaving him in a pair of purple shorts (that he hadn't been wearing before). He bulged and swelled to gigantic proportions. Omochao, blinking in fear, stumbled away.

Somehow, Eggman had become more fat than before. Omochao realized that he had to escape, and fast. He bolted for the door, kicking it down despite the fact that it was open. Eggman forced his way through and lumbered after Omochao.

"We have a code red," said Omochao into a walkie-talkie. "Code red, repeat, code red, we have a situation on level B-9, the leader has somehow become more fat and is on a rampage, Black Ops, report to level B-9, this is not a drill, repeat, this is not a drill."

"Copy that, Flying Pest," said Metal Sonic, speaking into another walkie-talkie connected to Omochao's walkie-talkie by a twenty-foot cord. "We have men arriving and the situation shall be taken care of. Take cover and alert medical personnel, there may be casualties. This is Black Ops, over and out." He made a static noise with his tongue. "End transmission." Robots poured down from the ceiling on ropes and began firing stun weapons at Eggman.

"Those lesser arms shall avail you naught," sneered Eggman, already going medieval. "The helm and hauberk shall give you no quarter, not as I stand and as surely as I stand!" Just then he was hit by a tranquilizer dart the size of an ear of corn and fainted.

"This is Black Ops, reporting to all in the facility," said Metal Sonic, who had done nothing and was leaning against the corpse of a robot. "The threat has been taken care of, and medical personnel will not be needed." He raised his voice over the groans of injured robots. "Thank you for your following of procedure, and please remember that a situation like this could happen at any time." He made the static noise again. "End transmission."

Omochao looked at the countdown. Only two days were left.

Even though it had been only eleven hours since Eggman had started the countdown.

Whew, I think I've used up all my creativity for one day! But, it may miraculously come back to me if you review…


	20. Chapter 20

Omochao's Revenge

Omochao flicked the Best of Cuba 1803 cigar between his fingers. With his free hand he surveyed his cards. He was playing Eggman in Go Fish (Eggman had recovered from his insanity).

"Got any… fives?" he asked the doctor. In his mind he raged. _You think you have the upper hand, _he thought grimly. _But I shall win at any cost, with the strength and the fury of a thousand suns! And, when your comeuppance is nigh…_

"No," said the doctor, smirking. "Go fish."

Omochao, scowling, reached into the pile… and drew a five.

"OH YEAH!" he screamed, laying down his set of fives. Eggman smacked the table. "I HAVE TRIUMPHED! WHAT NOW? OH, SNAP! YOU GOT SERVED!" Omochao began to dance all over the table, scattering cards all over. "Lean a little bit closer, see that roses really smell like boo-boo yeah…"

"Curses!" swore Eggman. "Foiled once again!" He prepared to swipe the cards off of the table.

"Don't!" cried Omochao. "Now we have proof that I won!"

Just then, a giant radar screen fell from the ceiling and onto the table.

"Never!" shrieked Omochao.

Eggman didn't care. "You fool! Can't you see that this radar screen is showing us that Sonic the Hedgehog is close to our base?"

"No it's not!"

"… You're looking at the back of the screen," explained Eggman.

"…Oh."

So Omochao, mysteriously decked out in bling and pimp clothes (Mixdaddy Funkmaster strikes again) looked on the right side of the screen. Sure enough, it showed Sonic and Tails standing directly outside the main door.

"Tails," spat Sonic, with the air of someone who is having a rather unpleasant time, "quite honestly I find this ridiculous. I mean, first you were so desperate to become a Girl Scout that you hacked your birth certificate files and changed your voice. Then there was the issue about the swim at Shady Creek where we had to… Anyway, and now, you feel such a compulsion to be part of Girl Scout cookie selling that you sell them to Eggman? My god, you're insane."

"I can make my own decisions!" pouted Tails through mascara, eye shadow, false eyelashes, blush and lipstick.

Omochao hadn't had such a laugh since the 'chicken boy' incident. "Well, looks like fox boy has taken to dressing in drag!"

Eggman chuckled heartily. "Why, I haven't seen something that funny since I tried to teach a penguin to roller-skate!"

Omochao would have continued laughing, but he saw something that sobered him up quickly. "Uh, Eggman, Sonic's looking right at your hidden camera!"

"Preposterous," scoffed Eggman derisively. "A hedgehog noticing a hidden camera disguised as an ice statue? Unheard of!"

"Possibly," spat Omochao through gritted teeth, "if the base wasn't located in the desert!"

"Good point," admitted Eggman.

Metal Sonic poked his head in. "Aren't you going to invite them in? It's a trap waiting to happen!"

"Of course!" exclaimed Eggman. "Metal Sonic, go get the door!" With a sigh, the robot trudged to get it.

"There's no one home," said Sonic disgustedly. "Let's go." The two left, ignoring the bullets that whizzed past them.

"Curses!" screamed Eggman so loudly that it was used as a soundtrack for a French animated children's movie. "He got away!"

"How could this be any worse?" moaned Omochao tragically.

Just as the camera turned off, they saw Tails picking up a sheet of paper and saying, "Hey, Sonic, I found this flyer saying Eggman's gonna destroy America in one day."

"Why?" bellowed Eggman and Omochao.

The clock is ticking… but what will they do now that Sonic is tipped off? They'll review! I mean, you'll review, of course.


	21. Chapter 21

Omochao's Revenge

I know this will make you all sad, but this is the LAST CHAPTER. I'm not kidding. Thanks to all of you.

Omochao was dashing around, screaming like a chicken with its head cut off. Wait a second… I mean running like a chicken with his head cut off.

"Calm down!" insisted Eggman urgently. "We must meditate to find the solution."

"Don't give me any of that yin-yang floating on the river of life crap!" howled Omochao as Metal Sonic fled for cover. "Sonic has been alerted!"

Eggman put a hand on Omochao's shoulder. "You know, Omochao, there's times in life when the Civil War took place in the 1800s."

There was a brief silence.

"What's that supposed to mean?" yelped Omochao, looking infuriated.

"I mean, uh, there's times in life when you have to sit down, clear your mind, and look into your heart for the answer," repeated Eggman.

"I suppose this is one of those times," grumbled Omochao darkly.

"Yes, it is," said Eggman. They sat down with their legs folded neatly on grass mats in a small temple. "Now, let the essence of enlightenment fill you from within. Let it envelop you in its holy embrace." Eggman breathed in deeply, his mustache quivering. "Now, seek your soul for the answer, and you may-" He was interrupted by a sputtering noise from Omochao. Eggman opened his eyes to see Omochao running around the room, holding his hands out like airplane wings and making random airplane noises.

"Ppppppppppffffffttttttt… this is B-Delta… we are nearing the World Trade Towers and ready to bomb… this one's for you, Mother Afghanistan." Omochao pretended to strap on flight goggles and sped up, making explosion sounds. "Jihad! Jihad! Death to infidels! Death to Americans!"

"Well, we are trying to destroy them," admitted Eggman. Then he got down to business. "Omochao! Forget the meditation and get over here! We have to re-program the Onion of Doom so it doesn't destroy America!"

"Why?" asked Omochao.

"Because Sonic's not there!" growled Eggman dangerously.

"Does that make a difference?" asked Omochao. "Just blow it up anyway!"

Eggman smiled evilly. "You're right!"

However, both of them forgot something vitally important- Eggman's base was in Arizona.

(To make a long story short)

So, you can probably imagine what happened. Eggman and Omochao remembered where their base was and spent a good hour or two blubbering about their imminent demise. Sonic the Hedgehog got clued in and, with the help and feminism of Tails and the muscle of Knuckles, actually saved Eggman from his own creation. Eggman escaped, because his contract as Evil Villain hadn't expired. However, Omochao was convicted of treason and sentenced to life imprisonment. He was sent to Prison Island (it had been rebuilt a few years ago after Eggman destroyed it) and forced to eat dirt porridge and gutter water. However, as we all know, Omochao could escape any jail… and nobody knows whether or not he's still at large.

Well, actually everyone does know, since there's been a lot of wanted posters for him lately.

The end! What did you think? Review please!


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